Living Alone, Living on Your Own.

                    It was 10:15pm, I had just finished my dinner and was thinking to wash the dishes, but my shoulders and neck were stiff due to working straight from 10am till 8 pm. Just then my mobile beeped, I picked it up to see what it was, it was just a message from one of my friends, he was asking how my day was, I just replied to him it was busy as usual and had no strength to write anymore on my mobile. I then didn't reply to his next messages, because I was very tired. I placed my head between my arms on the table and closed my eyes; there was dead silence in the room because I was living totally alone now. Then I just drifted into the ocean of thoughts, thinking that how my college life was, living with my friends in a same room. We used to talk have fun and do things for each other, but now, I was alone, working whole day, then coming to my apartment and making dinner for myself on my own, no matter how much tired I may be, I may have a cold, a fever or some other sickness, but now, I had to do it all on my own. Life totally alone was very hard after college, you have to do things no matter how you are and you have to go to work also no matter how much tired you are. 

     Mobile beeped again and it broke the stream of my thoughts, I was still holding my head, I didn't want to read another message but still I read it, it was again message from the same friend, he was asking was everything ok, I hardly replied that just tired. I was unable to understand that how he can be so much energetic after a whole hectic day but I was here sitting drained unable to do anything properly.  

     I again thought that my condition was pathetic, I was broken from inside, the thought of living rest of my life like this, working whole day then being so much tired that I am unable to talk, this thought just made me more depressed. I didn't want a future like this for me, I also wanted to enjoy sometime, I wanted a bit of time every day to relax, but thought of such hectic routine for my rest of the life was grinding my heart and mind. I wanted someone to be there beside me to know how I was feeling from inside but I was alone in my room, just thinking that tomorrow will be again like today. I couldn't share my feelings with anyone because people would think of me as a weak person then. I didn't want anyone to think of me as a weak person. So, I had to put on my strong face in front of other people, making me more tired, because of acting unnaturally then what I really was feeling inside myself. 

         Mobile beeped again, and I thought, him again, and it was him again, saying, “Rest well, tomorrow will be a great day”. I didn't reply again and collected the dishes to wash them. While washing the dishes, I thought I was not like this when I was in college hostel, I used to be more optimistic and had dreams for future. But now, future seemed a bit harsh. Why was I thinking like this? Why was I hopeless about my future? Is it because I am living alone? Or, is it because I get very tired from work? Such thoughts were just rushing in my mind while I was yawning badly and washing the dishes.

          The thought of having same hectic day tomorrow was already making me more tired. I was thinking that till how many years I will be able to hold it like this before I go mad due to such a hectic routine. I wanted to cry on my luck because I never wanted to live like this. 

           I just finished washing the dishes, and washed my hands and went to bed. In bed, I read my friend's message again, "tomorrow will be a good day". May be its not for me or maybe I am thinking too much negative. I really couldn't understand why I was thinking negative, was it due to tiredness or loneliness, or was I just thinking negatively. At that point I didn't even have energy to think anymore, I was wondering why do I get so much tired? And then, train of my thoughts just slowly dissolved into my sleep.